Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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