you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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