I want you more than these girls want KFC
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus