just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
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My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.