i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.