Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
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you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
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I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.