...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I think a kid would responsible me up
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot