I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.