i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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