dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
