Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
cat food counts as protein by the way
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
