is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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