I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
