still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
