If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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