I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
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Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
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when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
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