R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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