tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
how drunk are you?
Several
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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