So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
