I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
You need a sexual gate keeper
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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