put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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