The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
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My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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