he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
