Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I just found a bag of teeth...
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
