Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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