alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
