come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
