So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
