i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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