The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
