You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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