Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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