I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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