man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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