I'm laying in your front yard are you home
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
