Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
