two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
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That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
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You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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