KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
