I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
