so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
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