If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
