is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
