i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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