Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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