Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
