and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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