Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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