I don't usually arrange sex via text message
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
