I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
