The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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