She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
