Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
