well I can't set my house on fire every night
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
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