guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
