Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
