I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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