I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I love having hate sex.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
