That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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