my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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