I'm going to jail i love you
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize