Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
