the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
