yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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