Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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