It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
